How to Find Godly Friends & Authentic Community

As Christians, we want Godly friends and genuine community, but how do we find it?

Feeling loved and included by others is a natural desire that all of us have. We want the love and security and fellowship that comes from a genuine connection to others. We want that person we can call day or night when we need to talk, we want that person to hit the mall or farmer’s market with or to sit with at Church.

We want Godly friends to encourage us in our faith and to be someone God can use to speak into our lives.

We were created to be in community with one another, to support one another and bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). So, when we find ourselves isolated, excluded and alone, we can begin to feel rejected and unworthy of love.

This is a lie from the enemy, friend. God loves you always, no matter how many or how few people are in your life.

We need to be careful when seeking out community and be sure that we aren’t trying to fill the void in our hearts with people instead of God. When we are striving to live within the abundant intimacy God is calling us to, we no longer have to rely on others to love us. We live loved instead.

This does not mean striving for relationship is wrong-it is the opposite. We are made for relationship. But these relationships are meant to be a blessing to us in addition to our abundant relationship with Christ. We must first learn to be satisfied by the love of God and then we can have truly genuine, loving relationships with others where we give and serve and expect nothing in return.

So, how do we go about finding that community to be a part of? If we’re going to find Godly friends, we have to go where Godly people are likely to be.

I don’t think all of our circle should be made up of only people who think or believe like we do, but we do need some like-minded people around us to encourage us and stand with us in Truth.

Get Uncomfortable

The first thing we have to do is make peace with the fact that making friends as an adult is uncomfy. It’s a lot like dating, actually. There is going to be awkwardness as you start to let others in and try to decide if you are going to commit to a relationship with one another.

Creating new connections is going to require you to step outside of your comfort zone. While this will require steps, these can be calculated and prayerful steps. You can be strategic about this so you’re not overwhelmed with anxiety.

There are a few things you can do to make this less process less uncomfortable:

Introduce yourself to those sitting near or around you at events. This way, when breakouts happen or the event/class is over, you already know each other and that makes it easier to connect.
Ask them about themselves. People love talking about themselves.
Have conversation questions in your mind that you can whip out at a moments notice, such as “where are you from?” or “how did you find out about this event/church/class?” or “where did you get [insert item here]?”
If they are part of a couple, ask them about how they met their significant other. Couples LOVE to tell this story and it will show that you are interested in something that is very important to them.
If they have children with them, ask about their kids.

Also, take some time to intentionally pray about bringing new people into your life. Ask God to bring encouraging friends who will love you like Jesus and will point you to Jesus. Ask Him to guide you to meaningful places and show you who to connect with.

Now that you’ve got some tips for getting through the awkwardness, here are some ways you can get out of your comfort zone and go meet some Godly friends.

Go to Events

There are likely conferences and events happening in your town or near your town. These can be a great way to meet new people and make some connections, and often they offer breakout sessions and time for connecting conversation.

The best kind of events are the smaller, intimate ones like Bible journaling workshops, refreshment meetings, brunches, etc.

Go to the baby showers and birthday gatherings if you get invited, even if you’re a friend of a friend and don’t know anyone.

This option is probably prone to the most awkwardness, but can also be one of the most fruitful. If you see other women there alone or not talking to anyone, go introduce yourself to them and ask them about themselves. They are likely feeling just as awkward as you are and will be so thankful that someone saw them and wanted to know them.

Sometimes, in order to find community we have to first be the community for someone else.

Join a Small Group or Bible Study

For Christian women, this can seem quite obvious but this one is my favorite option because the reward is twofold: you get to meet other women who are prioritizing getting into the Word and also, you get to study God’s Word in community, which is a wonderful way to learn.

When my husband and I first moved 400 miles away from home for him to pursue the degree needed for Army Chaplaincy, we decided to go to a dinner for the other Chaplain Candidates at his school even though we didn’t know anyone and could’ve easily skipped it. At that dinner, I got invited to a Bible study for the spouses of future chaplains and I almost didn’t go because I was nervous and scared.

But, I stepped out of my comfort zone and went that following week anyway. I was uncomfortable and definitely felt some awkwardness, but I met new people and decided to keep going back every week. Joining that Bible study gave me friendships that sustained me in the hardest parts of this season and will last throughout my life as we cross paths in Military Chaplaincy and stay in touch through digital means, such as Facebook or Marco Polo.

Taking that step gave me the community I so desperately needed in that season and equipped me for when the time came to step up and start leading my own women’s group at my church.

It may seem trite or overdone, but these kinds of groups exist for the purpose of creating community among believers. You may have to try more than one before you find meaningful connection and it will take commitment to keep showing up and adding value to the group, but I believe that will pay off for you.

And if you really can find one and want to really get outside your comfort zone, you can start one! You’re not the only person out there who is looking for this kind of community, trust me.

Join Online Christian Communities

While online relationships cannot substitute for cultivating a community where you are, they definitely serve their purpose. I am part of a select few Facebook groups and I have found some wonderful community there.

There are SO MANY choices out there and you can certainly find something specific to your season of life or interest.

Another option is the community groups within the First 5 App, which I absolutely love.

You can also join online Bible study communities such as Good Morning Girls, Rachel Wojo and Proverbs 31 Ministries.

These groups are great places to start finding Godly friends and you might even find someone local to connect with.

Volunteer

Volunteering is a wonderful way to meet Godly, servant-hearted people in a structured, less awkward way. When you volunteer, you have a job and a built-in topic in common to discuss. This could be at your church or in your community or both.

Volunteering at your church is great because it helps you become part of the community you go to every week. Serving in your community helps you to meet people who are your neighbors and might not have crossed your path otherwise.

This option is very beneficial because you are actively serving the Kingdom while also expanding your personal community. You might even make a connection with someone you are serving or leaders in that organization.

You can also volunteer at your Church or in the community to teach a class or lead a small group or Bible study. Sometimes to find community we have to be the ones to step out and host and invite. This can be an incredibly fruitful way to find Godly friends.

Take A Class

This could be a fitness class, a community art or hobby class, a college course for personal enrichment or even a theology/Bible class your church is offering.

This is also a less awkward option because the purpose of what you’re attending is to learn, so there is content there and ready for you to discuss with others. These are great options because you’re meeting with others who are interested in learning and therefore, are likely more open to new things and new people.

You may also be paired up with classmates for projects or discussions and this could lead to connection and friendship with very little work on your part.

So, once we find some Godly friends, how to we begin to build them up? Jana Carlson from Wield The Word tells us how to build meaningful relationships in this week’s Featured Post!

How to Build Meaningful Relationships

Building meaningful relationships is hard work. Relationships that flourish are not developed without significant intention and effort. Yet, the older I get, the more I realize life without meaningful relationships is pointless.

The Purpose of Relationships

We were designed and created for relationships – with other humans, and ultimately with God. John Piper succinctly reminds us that our entire purpose is “to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.” Our enjoyment of God glorifies Him and draws others to know Him more.

As Christians, our relationships with others are a fundamental aspect of our relationship with Christ. All people were created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Our relationship with God is reflected in our relationships with others. As we build meaningful relationships with each other, we grow in our understanding of God.

Godly relationships can serve to shape us into better image bearers of Christ (Proverbs 27:17).

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