1. Plan Ahead
Spontaneous dates can be super fun, but likely will not naturally happen very often. Set aside a night a week or every other week that is just for the two of you; ask your spouse “out” like you did when you were dating. It is also helpful if you already had a few ideas in mind to pitch. Wives can absolutely initiate date nights with their spouses; it is a complete myth that asking your husband for what you want makes getting it less meaningful. That is Hollywood garbage that you’ve been fed in movies and TV. If you want something in your marriage, ask for it. Seriously, try it. Your husband will likely be thrilled he doesn’t have to try and read your mind.2. Dress to Impress
This may seem like a silly one, especially if you are just having dinner at home or watching a movie on the couch, but it’s important to set this time apart and mark it as “special” in your mind. You can still dress comfortably but changing your outfit to something specific for that occasion can help your mind to transition and prepare to engage with your spouse. It is not so much about how fancy you are dressed, but about how you feel in what you are wearing. Putting on something that gives you confidence and makes you feel good about yourself will flow into your demeanor during your date and you will likely be flirtier and more relaxed. A night out (or in) with your spouse is a special occasion, even if you do it every week. It’s a pivotal time where you get to invest goodness into your marriage, so take the opportunity to dress up a little and prepare your appearance for your spouse.3. Start with Prayer
Actually, this probably should have been number one on this list. We often forget to pray over seemingly normal things like going on a date with our spouse, but wouldn’t you like God to bless that time and use it to bring you closer? Wouldn’t you want the Holy Spirit there, guiding your conversations and softening your heart towards each other? I sure would. Before you leave the house (or settle in on the couch), take a minute and pray over your time together, to invite the Holy Spirit to move and cultivate peace, joy and kindness into your marriage through your intentional time together. If you have kids and someone is giving their time to you to babysit, pray a blessing over them. Pray for your children to behave well so your date can go smoothly, without interruptions.4. Use Date Night Questions
Life gives us a lot to discuss with our spouses and catching up on your respective lives is not a bad way to spend your time in conversation. If you are looking to get more depth and meaning out of your date night, though, researching and brainstorming questions for more engagement and connection is a much more fruitful. Great questions are ones that seek to evoke positive memories, cultivate deep thinking or use of imagination, and allow you to learn more about the heart and spirit of your spouse. If you are not sure where to start, grab my FREE Printable of 100 Connecting Questions!Download Your Free List of Date Night Questions Here!
[convertkit form=795895] You can also look at Pinterest or buy a book full of questions! Marriage 365 is one of my favorite resources for marriage and has awesome posts with great questions, as well as a book full of questions for the whole year.5. Prioritize Physical Touch
Hold hands, snuggle & steal kisses like you are still teenagers. Non-sexual physical touch is vitally important to a healthy marriage; it communicates love, trust, and acknowledges presence. This tells your spouse that they are important to you and they have your attention. Also, try to plan time for sex. That’s important too.6. Put Your Phone Away
Speaking of attention, GIVE YOUR SPOUSE YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION. Unless you are using an app for your game, taking a picture of the two of you to post LATER, or there is some kind of serious emergency, you have no reason to be on your phone during dates. I am super guilty of this, so those all-caps are really me telling myself, but oh my goodness, is this important. You cannot fully engage with your spouse if your attention is divided.7. Get Creative
Even the most seemingly mundane dates can be spiced up with a little creativity. If you are doing a movie date, pick something outside your normal “go to” genre; find a film festival or a screening of an old classic instead of a new superhero movie. If you are having at at home dinner date, try a new recipe or type of food. Literally spice it up. Find free or low-cost events in your town and try something new. Pick a theme for the night such as speaking in only accents or trying to dress like a movie/tv couple you love. Play car games if you are driving somewhere, such as counting car colors or no saying “what” or “umm” and see who can make it all the way to your destination.8. No Shop Talk
Your date nights are your time to engage, have fun and enjoy your friendship with your spouse. Avoid hard or “housekeeping” topics if you can. Your date nights are not the time to bring up something your Mother-In-Law did to upset you or try to discuss your finances. These are important conversations, but they are part of the not-fun stuff we do with our spouses. Date nights are a specific time you carve out to enjoy each other and invest in the fun-stuff bank of your marriage. Use this time as a little vacation from the not-fun stuff.9. Assess Your Date
My husband is in the Army, so After Action Reviews (AARs) or reviews of missions, are common in my household. He has a mindset primed to review and assess things, but this may not occur to most people to discuss what went well and what could be done differently on the next date. Reflection and assessment are great ways to make your date nights better and better as time goes on. Especially if you did something new together, it’s important to openly discuss what that experience was like, what you learned and what went well so you can incorporate new interests into future dates and activities you do together.10. Ditch the Excuses
A hard truth I learned a long time ago is that if something is important to you, you will make time for it. When you schedule your date nights, this is non-negotiable time; it is not something you can “move around” if something comes up. Schedule them as often as you want, but at the minimum schedule one per month. If your schedules are especially hectic, schedule them way in advance. You cannot afford to put investing in your marriage on the back burner. Setting aside time like this also helps your interaction ratio which basically states that for every 1 negative interaction, there should be 5 positive interactions. Date Nights (when done right) are filled with positive, loving interactions, which strengthens you as a couple and bolsters your ratio. Are you prioritizing date nights with your spouse? What has been your favorite date experience with your spouse? Tell me about it in the comments!