How to Stop Comparison and Overcome Jealousy

Comparison and jealousy are issues so many women deal with and I hear about this struggle all the time in the Christian sphere; we feel we aren’t living up to the perfect ideal Christian woman when in reality, she doesn’t exist.

I bet, even the Proverbs 31 woman made some mistakes.

Though we know we’re all sinful and fight our own battles, we still look at the girl next to us and wonder why our life doesn’t look like hers. Why aren’t we as pretty as her? Why are our friends not as caring as hers? Why is our marriage not as happy as hers? Why does Jesus seem to be blessing her more than me? Why doesn’t my life look like her Instagram feed?

I am a pretty blessed lady and I still find myself saying these things from time to time. Usually, though, it’s because I’ve taken my eyes off of Jesus.

In Matthew Chapter 14, we see the story of someone else who took their eyes off of Jesus. During a particularly brutal storm, the disciples were on a boat and Jesus went out to meet them. Peter says, “Jesus, if you are really there, tell me to walk to you” and Jesus beckons him out of the boat.

Peter experiences a miracle and begins to walk on water toward Jesus. But as he keeps walking, he notices the wind and the waves crashing around him and takes his focus off of getting to Jesus, and begins to sink into the water.

The minute we take our eyes off Jesus and get distracted by what is going on in the world around us, we start to sink.

The issue of jealousy and comparison can only be battled with devotion and discipline. To be content, joyful, unjealous women we have to get our eyes fixed on Jesus and stop looking around at what He’s called other people to do.

Here are some practical ways to fight jealousy and comparison in your life.

1. Take a Break from Social Media

This one is huge.

We are bombarded daily with updates and photos of what is going on in other peoples’ lives. We see their highlight reels of adorable family photos, announcements of babies and engagements, and houses being bought and wonder why we’re so discontent.

The sheer number and frequency of these inputs is overwhelming. We don’t need all of this noise in our lives.

It is so incredibly freeing to unplug from the constant stream of news and Insta-worthy, posed photos and just be present for your own life. When we over-engage in the lives of others via social media, we disengage from our own. We leave the people we love most starving for our attention in the name of keeping up with secondary relationships.

So for the health of your mind, body, and spirit, turn the noise off. Try it for a few days, do a social media-free weekend, and see how much it helps.

Once you try it, add in an unplugged day once a week.

You can read about my social media free week and all the benefits I experienced in this post: What Happened When I Deleted Social Media for a Week

2. Prioritize Time in the Word

In order to fix our eyes on Jesus, we need to spend time with Him. And not just a few minutes in the morning.

We need to spend quality, consistent time with Him.

I don’t mean you need to be in Bible study for hours a day, but we need to be constantly talking with Him and meditating on His Word. In order to combat jealousy and comparison in the world, we have to be in the Word.

It needs to be so rooted in our hearts that we carry it with us into battle every day.

In today’s culture and time, we spend so much of our time in busyness and activity and not nearly enough in silence and stillness with the Lord.

Just as much as we are in the world, we need huge doses of the Word.

This is achieved through regular study of the Bible, of course, but also through Scriptural podcasts, sermons, listening to your audio Bible or worship music, memorizing Scripture, and discussing theology with others.

We can saturate our lives with Scripture and still get everything done that we need to.

And just maybe, by seeking God’s Word this much, we’ll realize we have a lot less that actually needs to be done than we think we do.

3. Write Down Words of Encouragement

Have you ever had someone give you a compliment that really touched you? Or encourage you with Scripture? Or pray over you?

Start keeping a record of them.

A wise woman once told me to buy a small pocket journal and keep it in my purse or my car to specifically write down the words of encouragement or words from the Lord that others spoke over me. She told me to keep a record of these, especially from strong women of the faith, and to read over them anytime I needed a dose of strength or a reminder of what God has done in my life.

This practice has been incredible for me; it’s a living, breathing resource that I can turn to in times of weakness or jealousy of others. As much as we don’t need the approval of people, it does our hearts good to hear kind words from others. It gives you a living record of all your blessings to read over when you feel comparison or ungratefulness creeping in.

So grab a small notebook or start a note on your phone to record these small moments.

4. Speak Scripture Over Your Life

This tip may seem cheesy, but our words have so much power and we should be using that for good. So find some scriptures that speak to you and remind you who you are in Christ and say them out loud, claiming them over your own life.

Some good choices would be:

Galatians 6:7 I am a Child of God and His heritage is mine.

2 Corinthians 5:17 My past has no hold on me. In Christ, I am a new creation. I have been made new.

Jeremiah 31:3 I am loved with an everlasting love.

John 15:17 I am chosen and appointed and have purpose in this world.

What we say to ourselves and about ourselves is what we believe. When we believe we are less than or not as good as someone else, that’s the message our heart receives. But that is not the message that Christ came to speak to us.

Speak the truth over your own life until you believe it so strongly that you aren’t affected by what someone else might be doing.

5. Choose Community Wisely

Making friends as a young adult (or any age adult) is really hard, especially when you get out of college.

When you’re in school, you have easy access to people who have things in common, making it a little easier to be selective with your close friendships.

Once you’re out, that tap is turned off.

If you do not go to a physical workplace, it can be incredibly difficult to find community. This can put us in a place of desperation where we’ll let anyone in who shows an interest in us. If they don’t, we begin to believe we’re unloved and we retreat further.

Community is so important and who you let into your inner circle should be something you guard. We are called to love all people, but that doesn’t mean you’re best friends with every person you meet. We need loving, encouraging, strong women of the faith-building us up.

We need our village.

But it’s not just about bodies or numbers; we need life-giving friendships, not just any friendship. So when you are trying new small groups or getting to know someone new, prayerfully pursue friend relationships just like you would with dating relationships.

Adult friendships work a lot like dating and sometimes, that means we have to take some risks and get out of our comfort zones to meet encouraging women who are going to love us well and that we can let in.

So go to the ladies’ brunch, join the small group, and start serving on that team because you never know who God has placed in those situations for you to meet.

6. Seek Her Out and Lift Her Up

Is there someone in your life that you’re regularly comparing yourself to? A person you find yourself jealous of a lot?

You need to become her friend.

If this person is a celebrity or a distant person, you have two choices: unfollow/unfriend them or choose to engage and offer them encouragement.

There are a few people in the faith blogging/business niche that I have been very jealous of. I’ve compared myself to them, wondering why I wasn’t growing like they were and the Lord convicted me about my heart.

He challenged me to seek them out, offer them encouragement, engage with and share their content, and pray for them specifically.

With one, He challenged me to reach out to them directly and offer a word of encouragement.

Let me tell you, my flesh wanted to do the exact opposite. But the more I obeyed the Lord in this matter, the more my heart shifted.

It may be a woman in your class, at your sorority, on your sports team, in your church, at your job, or in your mama’s group. Or it may be a family member, friend, or a distant person on social media.

Take a moment and seek her out; offer her a compliment or a word of encouragement and pray for her. I guarantee you the Lord will change your heart toward her and toward others. A mark of a mature woman in the faith is the ability to be truly happy for someone who has what you might lack.

7. Practice Gratitude

If you do not have a regular gratitude practice in your life, this is a discipline I highly encourage you to adopt.

The process itself is so simple but the benefits are profound.

I practice gratitude because I believe strongly in those benefits and also, in the Biblical call for God’s people to have grateful hearts.

In 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 scripture tells us to “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.“

Gratitude is important for a lot of reasons, but the biggest one for me is that it is literally God’s Will for us to give thanks in all circumstances, not just the good ones. It is God-honoring and the key to the peace of Jesus.

We are called to gratitude and thankfulness because it stops things like comparison and jealousy in their tracks.

It is very difficult to be jealous of someone when your head is down focusing on all God has blessed you with. Gratitude is the antidote to an envious heart.

RELATED: 15 Bible Verses on Gratitude

Why is it so important to stop comparison and jealousy from taking root in our lives?

James 3:13-18 (NIV) tells us,

“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. 17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.”

Comparison and jealousy are hindrances to everything God wants to do in our hearts and our lives. It is a weed that will overtake us if we are not careful to ruthlessly root it out.

The good news is that as we seek to eliminate envy, God will meet us in that mess. When we ask Him to prune our hearts of everything that displeases Him, He will do it.

Take a moment today and confess any envy or selfish ambition you are harboring and ask God to remove it. Ask Him to root out anything in your heart that is hindering your growth in Him.

When we root out the things of the world, we create room for the things of God to flourish in our lives.

Your Sister In Christ,